Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘bad spelling’

Dear Idiots,

I’m not sure which walk of my life thus far has led me to the lot of you or what special moment we shared that made you add me as a friend on Facebook but I am truly grateful that you did.

In real life, you seem like your average drug-addled freak show but there’s so much more to you, isn’t there? Had we restricted our friendship to uncomfortable pleasantries in the street I might never have known your complete inability to use a capitalized letter correctly. An impressive, if not somewhat alarming, talent!

I often wonder how exactly you have managed to complete any amount of education writing sentences like this.

caNt BlaME u sIncE u cNT drink NEthIn eLse iN THe OveN ryT nW, bT YEaH JD or jEiGEr shUD b gUD enUf nww I reckOn

[More importantly, I wonder why your friend has to drink in an oven]

Now, I imagine you’ve already sold your parents for drugs and probably have no one to tell you these things so please, allow me!

1) A capital letter is not to be used for decoration. They have something called fonts for that. Yeah, I know- you’re shocked but there really is something out there both completely sensible and decorative that won’t make you look like a complete fool on the internet.

2) With so much communication happening via text (an often emotionless medium – depending on your writing skills) – e-mails, chat, SMS- people often write sentences in capital letters to denote yelling.

Example:

WHAT THE HELL? I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 15 MINUTES!

Therefore, when your status is “ i’M iN tHE pOrTal. iT’s CoMIng fr You NXt!“ you come across as a severely bi-polar individual switching effortlessly between crazy screaming man and calm individual. You might want to consider that this can be frightening and cause people to hide, run or call the cops when you approach them.

3) As with every rule there is an exception – if you are writing a ransom note by cutting out letters from a magazine, it is quite alright and no one will fault your for it. The kidnapping, on the other hand, may be frowned upon.

In closing, let me remind you that there will be no lack of opportunities in your life to capitalize a letter.  It is hardly as though you could fall short. I will not go into all the possibilities right now but let me assure you, under normal circumstances, you will never have to nor should you ever feel the need to, place an upper-case letter in the middle of a word.

Sincerely,

“A Friend”

P.S: Can you tell me on what basis you eliminate vowels from some words? I really have no idea how to do this. Does this work? dt – for idiot?

Read Full Post »

Dear Colleague,

You are so very very boring. You know nothing interesting. Everything you say is dull- to say the least. You aren’t even funny. Your idea of amusing someone is heinous and comparable only to verbal throat slitting. It’s completely okay. Not everyone can be blessed with charm, good looks and a rocking sense of humour which has brought funny to nearly ONE THOUSAND people.

I understand. I totally get it. As repayment for my kindness and empathy all I ask is that you not talk to me. How about our conversations start at Hello and end at Goodbye – and there’s nothing in between that. How about you sense that when you are chortling away at that, your most unfunny witticisms – I am cringing. When you read out other people’s out-of-office e-mails to me I can’t help but wonder about the head injury that made you this way. You sometimes make my soul throw up a little. I sit cowering at my desk from fear that out of the blue you will begin telling me about Twilight. I love vampires but not Twilight.

Let us only discuss the portions of our work that intersect – not church, family and the twinkling undead. Do that for me so that I do not, one day, tell you that I hate you. Or slap you in the face. Or tie you to a chair and make you watch documentaries about socks. Knowing you, you might enjoy it. Sigh.

P.S: Why do you not know that You’re is YOU+ARE and your is different. Didn’t you ever watch Friends?

 

Like this on Facebook

Read Full Post »

To say that I am a person ” in the know ” would be a rather great exaggeration. I am in fact, always the last to know most things.

Some of the more recent information I wish I had known earlier:

• People did not like Red Riding Hood ( I actually thought it was quite good )

• It is now acceptable to wear a striped shirt with striped pants. ( While I see this – daily – on more than a few people in my office, it always comes as a shock to me )

• You can churn out the most terrible music video for $2000 and become an overnight sensation. Had I known, I would’ve done it years ago.

Thus far, I have managed quite nicely. Watching bad movies, wearing non-jailclothes style outfits and having no internet fame to speak of has been good enough for me. But when no one tells you that they have gone and added another O in the word lose, you know it has gone too far.

Yes, another O! O as in O Holy Mother of Misspellings, Batman! O!

I’ll admit, it has always loomed over me; the possibility that this was true. I had always suspected it, felt an eerie premonition that my suspicion might be fact. It had been many years since I’d seen anyone spell the word correctly. As with anything you wish not to accept, large doses of denial do wonders to drown out doubt.

It was only when the truth laid itself bare before me like Kate Winslet in Titanic ( what a great movie btw! ) that I had no choice but to believe what inside, I may have always known. The word LOSE had lo(o)st it’s meaning. I had an e-mail to prove it.

From: My Manager

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 3:32 PM

To: Our Team

Subject: Clean-Desks

Do not keep any lose papers on your desks or in your drawers.

So what’s a girl to do when she knows her gose is coked? I suppose I’ll take some time out to recover – Dive teary headfirst into a scop of icecream , maybe some moousse, even some boze ? Moby that’ll help , just moby! I mean maybe

 

Like this on Facebook

Read Full Post »

BACKSTORY: In my team if you leave your computer unlocked and leave your desk, someone is going to send a mail to everybody else inviting them for dinner on you or something along those lines.

 

Here’s one such e-mail and the beautiful reply that followed:

  

From: COLLEAGUE 1

Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 2:49 AM

To: OUR WHOLE TEAM

Subject:

Guys,

 I am getting married next month.

 Appreciate your presence.

 Thank You,

 

  

From: COLLEAGUE WHO CAN”T SPELL

Sent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 5:51 AM

To: COLLEAGUE 1

Cc: REST OF THE TEAM

Subject: RE:

 heyhey !!!!! I thought ” ANOTHER COLLEAGUE ” is getting married 🙂 but I didn’t new that there is a tuff competition for marriage as well 😉

COLLEAGUE 1 my heartily congratulations 🙂 ALL THE BEST!!!

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: