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Posts Tagged ‘bar’

I’m not sure when it happened but a while ago Thursday became the day we all met to consume copious amounts of alcohol. I do not drink (honestly!) so I just end up drinking Coke or Coffee… A Caffeine high is as good as any if you ask me!

Yesterday it was just me and another friend…him drinking alcohol and me drinking Thums Up (which kept me up till 4 a.m., thank you very much).

As we sat there across from each other drinking and chatting, I suddenly noticed my friend was no longer listening to me and in fact, staring right past me, looking quite angry. I turned around to find that the man behind us had stood up and was staring back at my friend. This is the conversation that followed

Middle-Aged Drunk Man: What are you looking at?

My Friend, Also Drunk: You

Middle-Aged Drunk Man: What the hell for?

My Friend, Also Drunk: You were looking at her (points to bedraggled, just out of work, me)

Middle-Aged Drunk Man (Looks at me. Gasps. Looks horrified): HER???

Me (pretty much to myself): Thanks man! That’s great for my self esteem. Wouldn’t want it to get too high.

My Friend, Also Drunk: Yes, her!

Some alocohol and testosterone induced incoherent conversation ensues which I don’t remember now. Then:

Middle-Aged Drunk Man: Are you gay? Is that why you’re looking at me?

My Friend, Also Drunk : Could be

Middle-Aged Drunk ( & apparently homophobic ) Man: Umm Okay ( sits down )

A few minutes later, he stands up again. Stares at my friend some more.

My Friend, Also Drunk : Why are you looking at ME? Are you gay?

Middle-Aged Drunk ( & definitely homophobic) Man: Leaves bar

This friend of mine is 6 feet and 7 inches tall. Him standing up might have made for a better ending than this. So as not to disappoint you, I have rewritten the ending of this particular episode of my life:

REWIND

My Friend, Also Drunk : Why are you looking at ME? Are you gay?

He stands up.

Eye of tiger starts playing on the jukebox. (Yes, in this version there’s a jukebox.)

The fight escalates.

It continues as in a movie scene. Flying into the air, et al

The song changes. Total Eclipse of the Heart fills the bar.

They both soften ( I have a dirty joke to put here but this just isn’t that kind of blog ), stare deep into each others eyes. Finally, they embrace – passionately. ( Man, I’m creepy. I guess this is that kind of blog after all )

I leave the bar. As I try to hail a rickshaw, it begins to rain. I am holding back tears, thinking about how I don’t have someone.

I look up. A handsome stranger is standing in front of me.

He steals my bag.

FIN


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