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Posts Tagged ‘colleagues’

Dear Colleague,

You are so very very boring. You know nothing interesting. Everything you say is dull- to say the least. You aren’t even funny. Your idea of amusing someone is heinous and comparable only to verbal throat slitting. It’s completely okay. Not everyone can be blessed with charm, good looks and a rocking sense of humour which has brought funny to nearly ONE THOUSAND people.

I understand. I totally get it. As repayment for my kindness and empathy all I ask is that you not talk to me. How about our conversations start at Hello and end at Goodbye – and there’s nothing in between that. How about you sense that when you are chortling away at that, your most unfunny witticisms – I am cringing. When you read out other people’s out-of-office e-mails to me I can’t help but wonder about the head injury that made you this way. You sometimes make my soul throw up a little. I sit cowering at my desk from fear that out of the blue you will begin telling me about Twilight. I love vampires but not Twilight.

Let us only discuss the portions of our work that intersect – not church, family and the twinkling undead. Do that for me so that I do not, one day, tell you that I hate you. Or slap you in the face. Or tie you to a chair and make you watch documentaries about socks. Knowing you, you might enjoy it. Sigh.

P.S: Why do you not know that You’re is YOU+ARE and your is different. Didn’t you ever watch Friends?

 

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We also have an Instant Messenger service.

Here are some of the stranger conversations I’ve had on this thing

 

BACKSTORY : This was the day they were going to announce the verdict on Babri Masjid. I was too busy to watch the news

4:53 PM ME:

Any News ?

4:54 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE

No idea. If they’re giving it for some agricultural purpose then I am interested

If you’re wondering why this is strange, it’s because my job is literally the polar oppositie of farming. Except of course, if we were talking about something like wheat hedges.

BACKSTORY: This colleague is British. The role of ridiculous colleague is played by me.

1:45 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Good luck for your meeting with CLIENT XXX today.

1:46 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

I think I’m just going to concentrate on the lunch

1:48 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Yeah do that! Don’t forget to stuff some food in your pants

1:49 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

MY PANTS ?

1:50 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Umm yeah. Or your shirt. You know ..whatever

1:52 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

Ahh. I think you mean trousers. Pants mean boxers in England.

 EPIC FAIL!!!

BACKSTORY: Sometimes you get the feeling you’re being hit on but you can never really tell.

Damned text speak.

9:59 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

thanx for your help

9:59 PM FEMALE ME

no problem

 10:0[‘D1-BALQ’]0 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

u knw wat..i mistook XXXX to b u wen she cm to XXXX ..n went n greeted her

 10:02 PM FEMALE ME

hahhaha – People are always calling me XXXX here – so you’re not alone

10:03 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

oh

10:20 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

ur funny

we shud meet

 While I am extremely funny, this was not even one of my Top 5000 moments. Imagine if I had told her a joke!  

Backstory: I had lost my mobile and had to change my number. At this point in time I had already been incommunicado for many weeks

6:10 PM Colleague/Friend

just on a call

as soon as the call is over, we can move

 6:11 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME ):

kewl

i got a number

6:11 PM Colleague/Friend:

and…

6:13 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME )

and what?

it started also

6:14 PM Colleague/Friend:

and…

6:14 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME:

a phone also

6:14 PM Colleague/Friend:

arent u supposed to say something?

6:15 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

thanks ?

6:15 PM Colleague/Friend:

something tht follows ur earlier statement

and y wud u say thanks to me????

6:16 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

dude i have no idea

concentrate on your call

6:16 PM Colleague/Friend:

think abt it

6:17 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

about the call?

6:17 PM Colleague/Friend:

no abt wat u said

and wat u r supposed to say after tht

6:18 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

oh the number..

hahhaha

that’s it, isn’t it?

6:18 PM Colleague/Friend:

halleluja

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