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Posts Tagged ‘Google’

Love! Love is such a many splendored thing or so I’ve heard from the Moulin Rouge movie. You meet a girl – she’s smart, funny and everything you ever dreamed of. You think she may the one but a few months in you start to wonder if something is amiss.

You Google “signs she’s psycho” but are led to Office Oddities’ “5 Signs she thinks you’re a Psycho Killer not a friend”. This is not helpful at all.

So for those of you who reach here wondering how to know whether she’s going to kill you in your sleep- read on!

  • Her favourite movie is called Obsessed.
  • The walls of her house are red and the paint is always “wet”
  • Sometimes you wake up and there’s a full English breakfast waiting for you which is sweet except, she didn’t spend the night and doesn’t have a key ( as far as you know )
  • She leaves cute little notes and presents at your desk at work. She works at the other end of town and you work in a high security building.
  • For Christmas she takes you to visit her parents – at the mental institution.
  • You’ve seen a marked increase in the number of knives in the kitchen since you started dating her. The butter knives are okay but the machetes worry you.
  • All your ex-girlfriends have died in freak “accidents”.
  • You login in to Facebook and realize you somehow have only one friend- her!
  • She’s met your parents, seen your childhood home and met all your high school friends – without you.
  • When you look back at old photos of you, you notice she’s always in the background.

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 The Versatile Blogger Award – That’s me. Well, according to my very first friend on the blogosphere at least. Thanks Chris– you are the perfect combination of sentimental and completely hilarious!

Seeing as how Kate and Bill decided to get married the same day I received an award, I assume none of you watched my televised acceptance speech. I’m a little hurt but because I’m nice, I’m going to break it all down for you.

PART 1: Link back to the blogger that gave me the award

Done

PART 2: Tell you 7 things about myself

Here goes:

  1. This blog is my very first attempt at writing or anything near creative – ever. I’m so nervous about the whole thing that every time I put a post up, I spend the whole day asking my friends if it was terrible
  2. I can’t go into any kind of store without finding something I “have to have”- even if it’s a home appliances shop. I have no semblance of control but I try.
  3. My brother recently noted that I sometimes go whole weeks without entering our kitchen.
  4. I eat anything with sugar in it in two’s – never less, nearly always more.
  5. By2 p.m., I’ve already had 4 cups of coffee.
  6. I’ve lost handle on real life and now look at everything through the eyes of my (four or five) readers. If you ever catch me zoning out of a conversation it’s because I’m thinking “Will this be funny?”, “Can I write about this?”, “What can happen that would make this a good post?
  7. I haven’t heard any of their music in ten years but I still love the Spice Girls.

PART 3: Choose 15 other blogs to pass the award to.

And here they are!

The person that got me writing in the first place.

One my earliest discoveries and it’s been a fun ride ever since.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What do you do when you’re stuck in traffic for an hour completely alone except for the rickshaw driver?

Turn on your i Pod. Listen to Fergie. Wish you were Fergilicious

Read the back of the shampoo bottle you just bought.

Think about whether you really do have dull, brittle hair?

Watch the bald man who has stepped out of his car to yell at everyone and direct traffic.

Attempt to inspect the veins bulging in his head. He is standing quite close.

Wonder if his head will explode?

Wonder what you would do if his head did explode?

Decide you really like the top you’re wearing– which is white. You wouldn’t want it to be covered in blood and brain. Pray his head doesn’t explode.

Look at your reflection in the window of the car next to you. Think you’re looking quite nice today.

Make faces at your reflection.

Pout.

Stick your tongue out of your mouth.

Try to touch your nose with it.

Realize the driver is looking back at you.

Hide.

Attempt to go on Facebook from your phone. Nearly burst into tears at the fact that your internet isn’t working.

Think about how much you hate Facebook. It wouldn’t have been fun anyway.

Decide this should go on your blog.

Think about what you would call the post. Traffic – trouble – something.

Think about whether you abuse your power to alliterate. Decide you don’t.

Traffic – Trouble – Trout?

Does trout taste nice?

Do they just give it to you fried or can they make gravy out of it?

Baked trout?

Make a note to Google trout.

Feel hungry.

Fear you might never get out of this traffic. Rummage through your bag for things to eat in case you have to live in the rickshaw.

Decide that your peach and almond nail cream will do.

Will you help the driver or will it come down to survival of the fittest? Every man for himself?

You’re bigger than that. He can have the shampoo you bought. The protein in it is identical to that in hair so it should be edible.

Notice that the other seven people who’ve left their cars to direct traffic have succeeded. You’re home free.

Realize you could’ve just walked.

Oh well!

 

 

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