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We also have an Instant Messenger service.

Here are some of the stranger conversations I’ve had on this thing

 

BACKSTORY : This was the day they were going to announce the verdict on Babri Masjid. I was too busy to watch the news

4:53 PM ME:

Any News ?

4:54 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE

No idea. If they’re giving it for some agricultural purpose then I am interested

If you’re wondering why this is strange, it’s because my job is literally the polar oppositie of farming. Except of course, if we were talking about something like wheat hedges.

BACKSTORY: This colleague is British. The role of ridiculous colleague is played by me.

1:45 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Good luck for your meeting with CLIENT XXX today.

1:46 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

I think I’m just going to concentrate on the lunch

1:48 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Yeah do that! Don’t forget to stuff some food in your pants

1:49 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

MY PANTS ?

1:50 PM RIDICULOUS COLLEAGUE (ME):

Umm yeah. Or your shirt. You know ..whatever

1:52 PM RANDOM COLLEAGUE

Ahh. I think you mean trousers. Pants mean boxers in England.

 EPIC FAIL!!!

BACKSTORY: Sometimes you get the feeling you’re being hit on but you can never really tell.

Damned text speak.

9:59 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

thanx for your help

9:59 PM FEMALE ME

no problem

 10:0[‘D1-BALQ’]0 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

u knw wat..i mistook XXXX to b u wen she cm to XXXX ..n went n greeted her

 10:02 PM FEMALE ME

hahhaha – People are always calling me XXXX here – so you’re not alone

10:03 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

oh

10:20 PM RANDOM FEMALE COLLEAGUE

ur funny

we shud meet

 While I am extremely funny, this was not even one of my Top 5000 moments. Imagine if I had told her a joke!  

Backstory: I had lost my mobile and had to change my number. At this point in time I had already been incommunicado for many weeks

6:10 PM Colleague/Friend

just on a call

as soon as the call is over, we can move

 6:11 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME ):

kewl

i got a number

6:11 PM Colleague/Friend:

and…

6:13 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME )

and what?

it started also

6:14 PM Colleague/Friend:

and…

6:14 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME:

a phone also

6:14 PM Colleague/Friend:

arent u supposed to say something?

6:15 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

thanks ?

6:15 PM Colleague/Friend:

something tht follows ur earlier statement

and y wud u say thanks to me????

6:16 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

dude i have no idea

concentrate on your call

6:16 PM Colleague/Friend:

think abt it

6:17 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

about the call?

6:17 PM Colleague/Friend:

no abt wat u said

and wat u r supposed to say after tht

6:18 PM Ridiculous Colleague ( ME):

oh the number..

hahhaha

that’s it, isn’t it?

6:18 PM Colleague/Friend:

halleluja

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I have a pretty standard 8-5 job. Unfortunately, it is 8 -5 of another country. This means that I start work around noon and finish around 9 hours later. Which also means that I sleep late, wake up late and my meal times are ridiculous, if ever I have meals at all.

*** Here, meal means sickening oil-laden “baked” good from a cafeteria that could also be termed as the fastest-track to a heart attack.

 Of course this lifestyle hasn’t been all bad. It’s helped me put on loads of weight, lose the definition in my jaw and stop looking in mirrors. The icing on the cake ( like I couldn’t live without it ) : because of my ever-expanding waist, I get to shop for a whole new bunch of clothes every time I start popping the buttons off of my old ones.

 

To avoid turning into a blimp and having to avoid including car-covers in my wardrobe, I have come up with a four-part work-out. Simple, easy and can all be done right in the comfort of your workplace:

 

THE WARM-UP

• I don’t like too many people in my office and am not much for socializing but when you saunter through the hall-ways you are bound to be trapped by some over enthusiastic colleague who hasn’t seen you in just the longest time and wants to know EVERYTHING.

In order to avoid this, I walk very very quickly. With purpose. This way when people see you charging through the corridors they think you have somewhere important to be and don’t bother to disturb you. PLUS it’s a great warm up ; the benefits of which are everything from developing strength, stamina and endurance to lower cholesterol levels.

 CARDIO

• Lucky for me, the elevators in my office are the worlds slowest. They’re the sort of elevators you’d have at a tourist attraction. The kind with a window at the back that allows you to look on and marvel at the wondrous things around you. At my office, the only thing you can see is the sun reflecting off of white marble flooring in the entry way – instantly blinding. The alternative to being without vision, is running up the stairs.

AEROBICS

• Be clumsy – Walking briskly on carpeted floors often causes me to trip and be launched many feet into the air – surprisingly often. This can be perceived as jumping – which by the way, utilizes major muscle groups of your entire body, both upper and lower; a great way to burn fat.

YOGA

• If the same genius planned your office, then all the switches and wires attached to your computer are buried under a fake floor board. So every time you need to turn on / off your computer, you’ll need to get underneath your desk, wrestle the fake floor board off and then hit the switches.

There are two ways I like to do this:

a) You can get on all fours and squeeze in the place under your desk ( which was never meant to accommodate more than your knees ) and you’ll be in a yoga pose – Baddha Konasana

 

 

 

 

b) The other way is to stand up, bend over but instead of touching your toes, you hit the switches. I prefer this because all the blood rushes to your head and you kinda feel a little happier to be at work.

 

So there you have it – to a healthy, happier day at work!

 

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