Posts Tagged ‘Tara Reid’

You’re at a party. A birthday or an anniversary party perhaps. There you are, ingraining yourself into fellow party-goers memories for a long long time ( if you’re doing it correctly at least)

So how do you want to be remembered and how are you going to make sure you are?

Listed below are the various roles one can at assume at a party:

  • The Host

Everybody remembers the host of a party – it would be extremely weird not to. So pretend it’s your house, your party – you are the guest of honour. Follow people around asking if you can get them anything or give them a tour. Pick up after them. Say thank you when they compliment the venue, the decor, the food. Go so far as to open the presents.

  • The D.J

Bring your own iPod to the party. Stand near the music system all night dancing while fending off other people’s attempt to play something else. Think Kung Fu fighting. The music should be completely obscure and totally unenjoyable. Everytime a song comes on scream ” Wooooooooooooooo. I love this song ”

  • The Drunk One

If you’re a reasonably good actor, this can be done without consuming any alcohol. However, if your acting skill are comparable only to Tara Reid then you might just have to consume a whole bottle of whiskey before the party and then drink more when you get there. This is how you do it. Go right up close to people, insult their wives/girlfriends/clothes, slurring the whole time. When they get mad at you, start crying – weep loudly telling them how your mother never gave you any attention and your father was never around. When they have calmed down, insult their wives/girlfriend/clothes some more.

Beyond a point, you may not be able to drink anymore. At this time, do not stop pouring yourself drinks. Walk through the party dropping alcohol on everyone as you go. Throwing up on guests will increase your chances of being remembered for a long time.

  • The Socializer

Flit from group to group being over friendly. Greet everyone you see with, ” Oh my God. It’s been so long. ” Hug them. Needless to say, this works best if you don’t know most of the people at the party. Involve yourself in all conversations. From the mundane ( weather, movies etc.) to the uber personal ( death, divorce, unemployment) chime in with your comments and advice. The more forward you are, the more chance of you being remembered by all at the party and who knows, maybe something you say could save a life or marriage or someone could slap you – a risk worth taking, I think.

  • The Lone Dancer

Stand in the centre of the room dancing slowly with your eyes closed. Doing this at a dinner party where there is no dance floor or music for that matter would be best. If there is music, make sure you don’t dance in time to the music. Turn round and round slowly while swaying your arms near your face. Do not – I repeat do not open your eyes or stop dancing till the party is over.

  • The Cool Guy

Sit in a corner, by yourself, wearing shades and a hat; a cigar in one and hand, a glass of Scotch in the other. Bob your head only ever so slightly to the music. This is very important. Too slight a head-bob may be imperceptible but an overeager one will defeat the purpose altogether and make you look like an idiot. Ensure that you don’t speak to anyone – not even the host ( the real one or otherwise ). Going to parties where you don’t know anyone and haven’t been invited would be most effective in adding that air of mystery required for this look.

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